


waltzing underneath the moon(shine)

by onecalledkatie (celluloiddreams)



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25007059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celluloiddreams/pseuds/onecalledkatie
Summary: A little post-ruins, 3x08 one-shot.TW: alcohol use and brief mentions of vomiting.
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Comments: 7
Kudos: 143





	waltzing underneath the moon(shine)

* * *

For better or worse, it was all over with now. They did it. The class of ’99 had taken their entrance exams to Queen’s. Her entire academic career culminated with four hours of testing. Her brain hurt, her heart ached, all she wanted to do was go home and try to figure out how to live in a world without her best friend.

The exams offered her the chance to momentarily set aside whole ordeal, but now that they were past her, the entire class (well, almost the entire class) ventured off to the ruins to properly celebrate their academic achievements. Anne considered backing out. She wasn’t sure how to act around the others while Diana was there. It had been weeks since their fight and nothing had been resolved, not a single word had been exchanged between them. It had been the longest they had ever gone without speaking, which included the time Diana’s mother forbade any communication between them after that disastrous afternoon tea. It was so much worse now, because this time, there wasn’t someone else keeping them from one other—it was their own stupid pride.

The moment Moody first produced that bottle of moonshine, Anne realized that it would be only way she could get through their celebration and, perhaps, enjoy herself in the process. She truly wanted to enjoy herself, but even if Diana and she were on speaking terms, Anne would still feel the noticeable absence of one other person.

Gilbert.

From the moment they met, she wasn’t sure what to make of him. He was annoyingly self-assured, maddeningly smart, and inconveniently handsome. He made her second day at Avonlea school the worst she ever had, and yet, here she was: three years later and waxing poetic about how much she missed him.

How did she get here? When did it happen? One day she hated him, then somehow became friends, and now—what? Was it just a crush or something more? Was it all in her mind because of what Cole told her over a year ago—that he had a crush on her? It seemed too ridiculous to take seriously at the time, but then Ruby made that comment about how his eyes were full of romance when they discussed the take notice board. She couldn’t quite see it at the time, but then again, she wasn’t really looking for it.

Besides, he had always looked at her like that. Wasn’t that normal?

As Diana took the first swig of moonshine, Anne tried to clear her mind. None of that mattered now. Even if he did like her at one point, the fair made it painfully obvious that he didn’t anymore. He was apparently courting Winifred Rose, who by all appearances, seemed nearly perfect. Anne wanted to hate her, wanted to find some fatal flaw in the young blonde, but she couldn’t. Upon their first meeting, Anne immediately sensed that she was just as lovely on the inside as she was on the outside and while it had severely dented her spirit, she quickly realized that she could never hate the girl.

After all, it wasn’t Winifred’s fault that Anne had developed feelings for—what did he call her—oh, ‘a family friend.’ Anne cringed at the memory before she forced herself back to reality. She wouldn’t allow herself to dwell on all that now. She wanted to celebrate months of hard work with her classmates—her heart be damned.

She reached for the bottle after Tillie took a sip. Even as she heard the brunette cough from the taste, Anne leaned her head back and gulped several times as the burning liquid slipped past her lips and down her throat. She heard a few of the guys cheer at how much she was able to consume all at once, but she took no pride in it. She knew exactly what she was trying to do, and it wasn’t to impress the boys: she wanted to forget.

* * *

Night fell quickly and Anne wasn’t sure what number bottle they were on or how much was left. For a while she thought Paul brought just the one, but around her fourth turn with the bottle, she realized that it was practically full. How many bottles did the boys bring with them?

It didn’t matter, she resolved as she took another large swig and handed the bottle off to Josie. She couldn’t even feel it burn as it slid down her throat. She giggled. It definitely seemed to be doing its job.

What was she so melancholic about again?

She shrugged as the group formed two lines and played red rover. Well, red rover with a twist. Whenever someone couldn’t break the line, they had to drink. Whenever the line broke, those responsible would have to drink.

It was easily the most entertaining version of the game she had ever played.

Anne and Diana stood on opposite ends of their respective lines. Anne hadn’t thought about their fallout in the last two hours and from all appearances, it seemed as if Diana hadn’t either. While they never directly addressed one another, they both ended up laughing over the same jokes and antics of their fellow classmates.

As she watched Moody and Ruby shyly hold hands, Anne grinned. Not too long ago, Ruby wouldn’t have thought twice about it, but even in the dark, Anne could make out their bashful smiles. Of course, Ruby had made her newfound crush on Moody well known at the barn dance, but to see it progress right in front of her very eyes was enough for an intoxicated Anne to completely fawn over.

When she reached for Paul’s hand after he joined her line, Anne realized that at some point, one of her braids had fallen out. _‘How did that happen,’_ she briefly mused before Charlie came charging toward their line.

Charlie.

That situation was nothing short of a catastrophe. One that she was trying to work through, but after trying to force herself to be open to the idea of Charlie, Anne had to admit that they were not well suited. Yes, he boldly made his intentions known on the ‘take notice’ board and they danced together at the fair, but Anne didn’t have any romantic feelings toward him. Thus far, he had been too shy to approach her, but Anne knew as the minutes ticked on—and as the group became more and more intoxicated—he might eventually muster up the courage and she’d forced to face him, something she wasn’t prepared for, given her current state of mind.

Adolescence wasn’t easy. She wasn’t sure why she had been so eager to embrace it.

As Charlie broke the line between Diana and Tillie, Anne felt a mixture of relief and disappointment. He hadn’t tried to break her hold on Paul, so she wasn’t forced to hold his hand, but her team lost yet another player and, because they lost, they were all forced to drink.

“Drink up, weaklings,” Josie chided as she handed Anne the bottle.

Anne took one look at it before she held it above her head and bellowed out: “Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!” She took another long swig, grateful for the chance to chase away the barrage of thoughts dancing through her mind. Now that the exams were over, her mind was free to focus on her personal struggles, but she was determined not to dwell on them tonight.

Further encouraged by the alcohol that flowed through her veins, she handed the bottle off to Paul before she ran toward the overturned boat next to the fire. She wasn’t about to think about him—not now—not tonight. “Follow me, my seafaring friends!” She climbed upon the small wreckage. Somewhere along the way, she lost the ribbon to her other braid, but she didn’t care. She gripped her hair and held it below her chin as she looked at the expectant faces in front of her. “Avast ye, school mateys!” At their enthusiastic cheers, she continued, “Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphabet?”

After a chorus of ‘whys’, Anne raised her free hand and shouted out, “Because he spends years at ‘C’!” She didn’t even give them a chance to laugh before she continued, “What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?”

A mixture of ‘tell us’ and ‘what’s flew back at her. Anne tried to stifle the urge to laugh as she dramatically placed her free hand on her stomach and explained, “One of them has a rumbling tummy and the other’s a tumbling rummy!”

It made absolutely no sense and she wasn’t entirely sure that she was still speaking English as her classmates laughed. She began to dance on top of the wreckage, grateful that the sweet summer air helped to cool the unusually warm evening. She couldn’t think, couldn’t feel, couldn’t comprehend anything that was going on around her. She felt perfectly carefree for the first time in months. The future and all of its possibilities seemed so endless in that moment. With any luck, she’d be off to Queen’s in a few short months and from there, who knows?

Gilbert, who could hear the raucous cheers of his classmates from several yards away, wandered toward them just as they all dispersed into smaller groups, their laughter echoing throughout the otherwise peaceful scene. His gaze traveled to them first, unsure where Anne was among them. While he hadn’t originally planned to join their celebration, his evening with the Rose’s shed an unexpected light on something he needed to figure out—especially now that his academic career with the Avonlea school was over. The Sorbonne was calling him. Paris awaited, and along with it, a woman he knew he could be happy with. Yet, despite all that, he ended up at the ruins, looking for the only person who could help him navigate the life altering decision he needed to make.

He didn’t see her amongst the others, but once he heard her giggle, he spun around and there she was.

Her hair was down, but even in the darkness, he could outline the waves. At some point, she had sported her signature braids. As she spun around, oblivious to her captive audience, he took a moment to really look at her—not that he hadn’t already done that for years.

As she swayed to a song that only played in her mind, he realized that everything had changed between them. Her eyes were closed, and she seemed more carefree than he had ever seen her before. He tore his gaze from her just once to see if the others had noticed his presence or the fact that he had been openly staring at the redhead, but no one had seemed to pay either of them any attention.

Gilbert swallowed as he looked back up at Anne. He knew from the moment they met that he’d never be the same again. He never had an issue with getting girls’ attention before, but that first day, it felt as if Anne had gone out of her way to ignore him. When the frustration finally became too much, he made the stupidest move he possibly could have—one that set their eventual friendship back for years. He had always found her fascinating. He always felt a connection with her, which seemed completely ridiculous because for a long time, he knew next to nothing about her. Still, he had always been curious about her. She was smart, so smart that he worried he wouldn’t be able to academically compete with her. He found himself studying harder, putting in more effort than he ever had before. She pushed him to be better, to believe that anything was possible with enough effort.

He had spent years trying to figure her out and figure out exactly what it was that he felt for her. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced, and during those lonely nights on a ship in the middle of the Atlantic, he wondered if it could be love. And now, he was more confused than ever. He never physically ached for another human’s touch the way he ached for hers the moment her hand slipped away from his during dance practice.

He had been able to think of little more since that day. His nights were filled with thoughts of Anne while he tried to cram his days with studying, farm work, and helping her with the protest she organized.

The protest.

They had a little victory celebration that night and when their playful banter subsided, he took a moment to look at her underneath the pale moonlight and, in a sudden rush, wanted nothing more than to kiss her. She had been so brave, fully prepared to stand up to the entire town over what happened with Josie. She had argued with her friends—with him—over it and never once backed down. Her ferocity was part of what made her uniquely Anne. He knew that no matter what her future held; she would certainly change the world.

Wasn’t that the same thing he wanted?

Her passion, her conviction further enthralled him. He didn’t think it was possible to feel more for her, yet there he stood—in complete and utter awe of her.

As the fire behind her crackled, embers ricocheted toward the sky, temporarily pulling him from his reverie. The embers looked like fireflies as they made their way up towards the heavens. Her hair against the soft light of the fire nearly took his breath away. She reminded him of Aphrodite in those few brief moments, and he nearly fell to his knees right then and there—fully prepared to beg her to accede to his eternal devotion.

He tried to chase those thoughts away as he took a step closer to her. He couldn’t get swept away in thoughts of her, not yet anyway. He was there for a reason, and while it was because of her, he knew he couldn’t get ahead of himself. 

Anne’s eyes slowly opened, and she nearly stumbled when she realized that Gilbert was in front of her. For a brief moment, she wondered if she was hallucinating. What was in that moonshine?

“May I speak with you please?” He could barely recognize his own voice as he forced himself to come back down to earth. He could see Anne’s relaxed demeanor slowly morph into confusion as a result of his question. He hated to pull her away from what appeared to be a wonderful evening, but he simply couldn’t wait any longer. The future had arrived, and he needed clarity that only the girl in front of him could provide.

Anne was still trying to come to terms with the fact that he was there in the first place. The edge in his tone walked a fine line between solemnity and desperation and she quickly realized that he wasn’t there just to compare notes about the difficulty of their exam. Something had happened and Anne could feel her heart drop the moment she took the first step toward him.

She tucked her hair behind her ear in an attempt to quell the shiver that shot down her spine. When he held out his hand to help her off of the boat, she briefly considered not accepting it; however, in her current inebriated state, she figured it was the lesser of two evils: two seconds of feeling his skin against hers or risk falling flat on her face in front of him.

After she hopped down from the boat, she made the mistake of looking up at him. His somber expression nearly knocked the wind out of her. She thought about the bottomless moonshine and wondered where the bottle was, if it could help quell the swift beating of her heart as they wandered toward the fire. She knew she wouldn’t be able to grab the bottle without the others knowing and potentially preventing any chance of conversation she’d have with Gilbert, but would that be so bad?

_‘No,’_ Anne quickly chastised herself before she sat down. They were friends and he needed to speak to her about something and even if it was just to announce his engagement to Winifred at least she would get the closure she needed before she left for Queen’s. 

That had to be some consolation, right?

* * *

“[…]Then her father laid it out on a silver platter.” He hadn’t intended on pacing as he explained the events of the evening to Anne, but the moment he began to recall it, he couldn’t help himself. It was a lot to take in at one time, he knew that, but in order to figure out what—if anything—was going on between them, he needed to explain where he was coming from.

Anne was completely lost. She wasn’t sure if she was just drunk or if Gilbert hadn’t taken a breath in the last five minutes. Perhaps it was some combination of both or maybe she had no desire to hear about his engagement. Still, it was painfully obvious that he needed her advice. Perhaps if she wasn’t quite so drunk, she’d find a way out of the situation—or better yet, steel herself for the inevitable fall out—but it was all she could do at the moment to try to keep up with his erratic train of thought. “Laid…what out on a platter?”

He spun around to face her. Maybe he made a mistake by coming by the ruins to speak with her about it. After all, Winifred’s father had basically handed him the world. “The Sorbonne, Paris, the money to do it.” He still couldn’t quite believe that her father had been able to pull the strings to get him in—to be able to attend medical school in Paris in just a few short weeks. “My future if I want it!” He could see his entire future stretch out right in front of him. It would be the kind of life he had always imagined for himself—save for one key exception. 

As Anne peered up at him in complete confusion, his tone quickly shifted from incredulous to somber. “Permission…” He took a deep breath as he carefully waited for her reaction—any kind of reaction—to the rest of his news, “…to propose.”

Anne tried to brace herself for the news, for the reason behind his sudden appearance and request to speak with her. He wanted her to be the first to know, to congratulate him on achieving his dreams. She knew she should be happy for him. After all, that’s what she wanted for all of her friends, and yet, her confusion melted into stoicism. Even though she thought she was prepared for the news, the reality of it made her stomach churn.

She forced his words to repeat over and over again in her mind while she tried to comprehend the weight of them. She could practically feel her heart breaking more and more with every loop. Even though her inhibitions were lowered, she wasn’t about to argue, to fight, to cry out that he had other options available to him, because the truth of the matter was that she knew that this was his best chance at the life he wanted.

Much like the last few months, Gilbert couldn’t seem to read her. She seemed surprised, but truth be told, wouldn’t anyone be? Maybe not Moody, but he knew that if he went to Bash with this, his friend would be surprised that with just a snap of his finger, Winifred’s father could make all of his dreams come true.

And yet, he quickly reminded himself, there was one dream he’d be giving up if he accepted, which brought him back to the reason why he was there in the first place.

He turned away from Anne as he gripped his cap a little tighter. “I don’t know what to do.” He didn’t want to pressure Anne. He didn’t want to force anything that she didn’t want or wasn’t ready for, but she had the right to know. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone if she didn’t know how he felt, but Gilbert figured that he had already made it painfully clear just how enamored he was of her.

Anne slowly shifted her attention back to the fire. So, he wasn’t sure what to do next. As far as Anne was concerned, it seemed so obvious that there wasn’t a choice to be made. “You don’t want to be a country doctor,” she began as evenly as possible, despite the fact that her battered heart slammed against her chest with every syllable she uttered. “The Sorbonne…is your dream. Winifred is lovely, and her parents are supportive.” She could feel his eyes on her as he slowly sank down to the log beside her. Gathering enough courage and strength from the moonshine that coursed through her system, she turned to face him. “I don’t understand. What’s holding you back?”

Did she really have to ask? After years of stolen glances, inside jokes, and that unforgettable dance—she still didn’t know how he felt about her? Stunned into silence, he only managed to softly answer, “Just…one thing.”

Stunned. Dumbfounded. Speechless. She could feel her entire world rotate off its axis as she stared into his pleading brown eyes. “I don’t know what to say.” After all of that, after telling her that all of his dreams were well within his fingertips, the one thing holding him back was—her? She couldn’t comprehend any world in which someone would hesitate when deciding between such a romantic of a locale as Paris and her. Even though she thought more of herself than she had when she first arrived in Avonlea, she knew that there was no comparison to be made. It was Paris. It was the Sorbonne. It was his dream. He said it himself. It was everything he wanted. And he was asking her if—no. She knew that she had feelings for him, but did she have enough to completely upend his life—to make him give up his dream? 

She couldn’t do that to him. Even if she knew her heart, she wouldn’t be selfish with him, not when he was so close to getting everything he ever wanted. Still, as she began to explain her erratic thought process, it came out as nothing more than an incoherent drunken ramble. “I…What am I supposed to…And everyone, everyone is…and now you just…and I’m…pirate and we never even…And Paris is…And you are never gonna find…that much I know, so how…can’t…I…we…we…”

She could barely breathe by the end of it. How was this—was she understanding him correctly? She couldn’t tell if he was confused or crushed by her explanation, but she couldn’t possibly explain it any better. She was in a complete state of shock (not to mention drunk) and she hadn’t thought quite that far ahead and to ask him to wait until she figured it out was just too much for her to process. She wasn’t ready to settle down yet, and maybe she wasn’t ready to settle down because her feelings for him weren’t real. Maybe they were as fleeting as the night that surrounded them.

As she failed to come up with a better explanation, or at the very least, a more coherent one, several of the girls rushed toward the pair, effectively thwarting any further explanation. 

As the girls physically brought Anne to her feet and desperately pleaded with her to facilitate another ritual in order to mark the occasion, Gilbert watched her. She was—at best—incoherent with her response, yet at the same time, he felt as if he had heard her loud and clear. 

He told himself before he arrived that he’d accept whatever answer she gave and would proceed from there. Given her reaction to his confession, he assumed the worst. She never had any sort of romantic feelings for him. She hadn’t even considered it an option. 

It felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He had to get out of there. He came to the ruins in order to get answers and her response was clear. “I’ll be off then.” The slight inflection in his tone was eerily calm as he stood up. When she turned around to look back at him, he briefly contemplated begging her to reconsider, to vow that, some day, he would be good enough for her, that he’d be worthy of her love. Instead, he forced out a polite nod and a cordial ‘good night’ before he reached for his lantern and retreated from the one person he’d gladly sacrifice everything else for because—in the end—none of it mattered if she wasn’t there.

Anne turned back toward the fire as the urge to run after him was so strong that she could barely breathe. She balled her hands up into fists in an attempt to force herself to remain exactly where she was. This was for the best. She was—at the very least—confused about how she felt. She wasn’t about to be responsible for ruining his entire life—not after everything he had been through. He deserved nothing but the best, and that meant spending his life in Paris with Winifred Rose.

Gilbert turned back one final time to make a detailed mental note of this moment. After years of pining, of being rebuffed, of continuing his pursuit of the girl who had bewitched him from the moment they met, he finally laid all of the cards on the table and she wasn’t interested. He had to remember that, remember her, remember that the starry-eyed dreamer who made him believe he could be better—that he could achieve any goal he pursued—didn’t want him.

He soul ached as he wandered away from the fire, away from Anne, away from the future he wanted. He needed to go home and sleep, so he could awaken fresh in the morning and begin making arrangements. There was a lot that needed to be settled in the coming weeks and time was of the essence.

As he nodded his farewells at the rest of the group, he expected them to offer him a cordial ‘good night’ and let him go on his way; however, his arms were quickly seized by Moody and Diana as they pulled him toward their group, despite his half-hearted protest. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend the evening with his classmates and celebrate their accomplishments. It was more of a question of ‘how?’ How was he supposed to act like everything was ok when Anne Shirley Cuthbert had just broken his heart?

That was when Charlie handed it to him—a newly-opened bottle of moonshine.

Gilbert drunk alcohol only once in his life, and that was with Bash in Trinidad. It had been a few years since then and he hadn’t felt a real desire to drink again, until that moment. Charlie grabbed Gilbert’s lantern as Gilbert stared at the bottle in his hand. He knew what he should do. He should just walk away and get some space from the girl who was presently dancing around the fire, but he knew what the rest of the night held for him if he did: thoughts of her. At least this way, he wouldn’t be alone.

He had to mature so quickly after his father passed away. For one night, he just wanted act like a kid. Adulthood could wait until the morning.

So, with his mind made up and without a second thought, he lifted the bottle to his lips and took several gulps of the burning clear liquid.

* * *

He wasn’t sure how long he half listened to Charlie and Moody as they tried to convince him into going fishing with them in the morning. All he knew was that after several swigs of whatever was in that bottle, Gilbert felt blissfully numb and not as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest.

His gaze often wandered over to Anne as she danced around the fire with the other girls. At one point, Ruby placed a flower crown on her head and in flash, his Aphrodite transformed into an uncanny Persephone. While Persephone was the Greek Goddess of Spring, she was also the queen of the underworld. While he had always been aware of Anne’s fondness for nature and flowers and knew that spring was her favorite season, it was the thought of comparing her to the queen of the underworld that led Gilbert to associate the redhead with Aphrodite instead. However, in that moment, against the backdrop of a flame and with a flower crown on her head, he couldn’t deny her true divinity any longer.

Perhaps, he mused, she was an amalgam of both. He couldn’t ignore the attributes that allowed him to make the association with Aphrodite. She was beautiful, yet quick-tempered, and the connection was made all the more clear whenever she attempted to play match-maker with their classmates. Aphrodite was the goddess of love, and Gilbert had been enthralled by her since the day they met. However, as he continued to watch her shine against the embers, he could only see Persephone, the goddess of spring, queen of the underworld. 

She automatically brightened any room she entered. Her love of nature was entirely unmatched. Gilbert could see the darkness that resided beneath her smile, brought upon by a life full of pain and abuse before her arrival at Green Gables. It would be so easy for anyone to give into that kind of darkness, but not her. She held such hope for the world and believed that change was possible as long as people were willing to fight for what was right. She was unafraid, even in the face of adversity and that strength, that hopefulness, was one of a hundred reasons why he fell in love with her in the first place.

He gulped. Love? God. It had to be. Why else had he been so willing to throw away his future if she reciprocated his feelings? Why had he hoped so fervently that she would?

He shifted his attention back to the guys and reached for the bottle once more. He had to chase all thoughts of Anne away, if only for a little while. He needed to vanquish the goddess from his mind. He needed her stop acting so carefree around the fire, as if she hadn’t just shattered his heart into a million pieces.

As if on cue, the girls halted their antics, only to quickly rejoin the others, much to his chagrin. Anne seemed mildly surprised to discover that he decided to stick around, while the other girls began to pepper him with questions about Winifred, which in turn, prompted Moody to ask him why she didn’t join them. 

Gilbert stammered out a flimsy excuse to explain her absence that Anne tried to ignore. When he followed up by informing the others that he would see her in Charlottetown in a few days, Anne’s stomach lurched.

As some of the girls cooed over the indication that Gilbert was getting closer to proposing to the mysterious blonde, Anne looked to Diana, who gave her a small, sympathetic smile. Anne thought the gesture was kind, given the fact that they hadn’t said more than two words to one another since their awful argument in the barn. 

Members of the group began to disperse shortly thereafter, claiming they needed to get up early to do their chores. By the time it was all said and done with, nine gathered around the dwindling fire: Anne, Ruby, Moody, Charlie, Josie, Gilbert, Tillie, and both Paul’s. 

Tillie was practically giddy as the Paul’s flanked either side of her. It had been flattering to have both of them pursue her relentlessly over the last few months, but she was no closer in choosing between them than she was two months ago when they first made their intentions known. Neither pressured her, which was perfectly fine by her.

Ruby shyly sat down next to Moody as he pulled his banjo out of the case and lightly began to strum it.

“We should play a game,” Josie suggested to the group.

“As long as it’s not spin the bottle again,” Anne responded before she playfully nudged the blonde’s shoulder. They had come a long way from days when Josie seemed to go out of her way to torment her. Even though Anne wished that Josie never had to go through what she did at the hands of Billy Andrews, she was grateful that some good came from it. They had never been closer.

“Though I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” Charlie boldly stated with a slight slur in his tone.

Josie smirked and turned to Anne who subtly shook her head ‘no’.

“Might not be a bad idea,” Tillie agreed as she looked between her two suitors.

Anne wrinkled her nose. She could sense that she was going to get outvoted if she didn’t put a stop to it. This time, she wouldn’t have Cole to bail her out of any awkward encounters. She had matured enough in the last two years to realize that she didn’t want her first kiss to be a result of some silly game. She wanted to have a say in who she kissed and not let a stupid bottle decide for her.

“We can’t,” Moody told the others. “If the goal is for everyone to participate, we can’t play spin the bottle.” He gestured to Gilbert, who sat on the other side of him. “This one is practically engaged.”

Gilbert looked across the fire at Anne as he tried to figure out if Moody’s bluntness had any effect on her. He didn’t expect a reaction, so when she looked up at him, he was taken aback. The alcohol had dulled his senses, and as Paul and Charlie threw a couple of more logs on the fire, he decided that it was way too dark to tell if she seemed pained by the reminder or if the alcohol had completely affected his ability to think rationally.

‘She said no,’ he reminded himself as the others argued about what game to play.

“I don’t know why we’re fighting about this,” Josie’s voice cut through the others. “I have the perfect game.”

“What’s that,” Charlie asked.

She smiled deviously. “Truth or dare.”

* * *

The rules were simple. Someone would pick a person and ask them ‘truth or dare’ and the player had to decide between answering a question with complete honesty or accepting a dare, which could range from the mildly embarrassing to the slightly dangerous. For the first time since she left the ruins, Anne was grateful that Diana wasn’t there. She was the only one who knew her secret, who could have outted her in front of the others and that was the absolute last thing she needed, given her conversation with Gilbert.

“Since I chose the game, I’ll start,” Josie practically squealed as Charlie handed her the bottle of moonshine and she took a swig. “Tillie…truth or dare?”

Tillie knew how devious Josie could be and she knew there was no way she was going to get out of this without either having to say or do something embarrassing, so she opted for the safer option. “Truth.”

“Aside from your lovely escorts over there,” she gestured to the guys on either side of her, “Have you ever had a crush on anyone else at school?” She smirked. “Anyone at all.”

“That’s it?”

Josie had to stifle a giggle at Tillie’s relief. “That’s it.”

“Oh, that’s easy.” She stuck her thumb out and gestured toward Gilbert. “Gilbert.” When the Paul’s lifted their eyebrows in surprise, she elaborated. “Oh, come on. At one point or another, every girl in school had a crush on him.”

This was news to the aspiring medical student. His gaze immediately went to Anne to see if she’d deny Tillie’s confession. Not only did she not seem visibly offended by the statement, but she actually nodded her head in agreement. What? When was this?

“But I mean, none of us ever did anything about it because—” Tillie stopped short when she realized that Ruby was openly glaring at her. “Never mind.” She cleared her throat as one of the Paul’s handed her the bottle of moonshine. She eagerly took a sip before she looked across the fire at her best friend. “Thanks Josie.”

She laughed. “I only asked a question. It’s your turn.”

Tillie glanced at the expectant faces that surrounded her. Finally, she narrowed her attention to the guy seated next to Anne. “Charlie…truth or dare.”

Charlie considered his options. Even though they hadn’t spoken much since the dance, he was still hopeful that Anne would permit him to call on her, especially once they were at Queen’s. Still, he wasn’t quite sure how she felt and, in an attempt to avoid any awkwardness in front of the others, he made the only choice he possibly could: “Dare.”

Tillie pursed her lips as she tried to think of an appropriate dare. Finally, one of the Paul’s whispered in her ear. “Oh, that’s good,” she told him before she looked back at Charlie. “Charlie, I dare you to jump over the fire.”

He took one glance at Anne before he sprung to his feet. “Easy!”

“Charlie, please don’t,” Gilbert advised. “The odds of getting hurt are fairly high.” They would be high for anyone, but Gilbert knew how accident-prone Charlie Sloane was. If anyone was going to fall into the fire and burn themselves, it would be Charlie.

Charlie assessed the height of the fire in front of him. It needed another log, but he wasn’t about to do anything about it until he accomplished his task. “Nah, I can make that.”

“So, do it,” Paul encouraged.

“All right.” Charlie took several steps back. Ruby buried her head in Moody’s shoulder to avoid watching while Josie leaned forward to make sure she had the best view in the off chance that something did happen. 

Charlie glanced at Anne once more. She seemed concerned but he wasn’t going to chicken out now. He gave her a reassuring smile before he sprinted toward the flame. He jumped at just the right moment, but his landing was less than graceful as he stumbled and fell face first to the ground.

The Paul’s laughed at his clumsiness, but the girls applauded his success. Gilbert slowly exhaled, grateful that he wouldn’t have to tend to any burns or injuries. “Ok, no more jumping over the fire,” Gilbert told everyone. He was drunk, not insane.

The others quickly agreed. None of them were certain that they would have the nerve (or stupidity) to ever agree to such a dare in the first place.

As Charlie walked back toward the group, Tillie handed him the bottle of moonshine. He took a sip before he sat down and turned to Anne. “Anne, truth or dare?”

Anne weighed her options. There was no way that Charlie knew about her crush on Gilbert. If he had, he wouldn’t be so keen to pursue her. And given the simple fact that he was trying to court her, she assumed that his dare would involve something more than what she was prepared to give, a kiss perhaps. “Truth,” she answered, realizing that if Gilbert had been the one to ask, she absolutely would have responded with ‘dare’.

“What was your favorite part of the dance?”

A chorus of ‘boos’ immediately followed the question as the others sneered at how tame the question seemed. Gilbert leaned forward slightly, curious as to whether or not he might have missed something else that night. His attention had been entirely set on Winifred as his goal had been to impress her family; however, he couldn’t deny how beautiful Anne looked that day. She rarely wore her hair down—he could probably count on one hand the number of times he had seen it down in the last year. While her beauty always held the power to distract him, it took much more effort than normal to keep his attention focused on his date and her family.

Anne looked around the group. That night had been eventful for several reasons, but not all of them made for fond memories. Still, there had been moments of bliss that night, however fleeting they turned out to be. “Um…probably ‘The Circassian Circle’…well, the beginning of it, anyway.”

“Yeah, uh…we never got to finish that dance, did we?”

She shook her head no.

Gilbert knew he had no right to be jealous. He went to the dance with someone else. He participated in ‘The Circassian Circle’ with someone else, and yet, his heart constricted when Anne revealed that had been her favorite moment of the evening. He wasn’t sure what he expected. It wasn’t as if they spoke to one another that night, even after they ended up in the same line during ‘The Dashing White Sergeant’. He kept his gaze fixated on Anne, even as she took a sip of moonshine.

Anne wasn’t sure who she should shift the group’s attention to, only that it couldn’t be Gilbert. Their conversation was still fresh in her mind, and she knew that she was far drunker now than she had been at the time. She knew wouldn’t be able to control what came out of her mouth, but still had enough wits about her not to tempt fate. “Ruby…truth or dare.”

“Truth,” she responded without a second thought.

“Boring,” Josie answered. “You’re all so boring!”

Anne rolled her eyes. “Ignore her, Ruby. Ok, tell us all honestly: when did you start liking Moody?”

Moody smiled as he turned his attention to the girl next to him.

Ruby looked bashfully at him before she turned back to Anne. “It was the day we had dance rehearsal for the fair. I didn’t want to dance because…well…you know…and Moody played so beautifully, and he looked so handsome that…” Her words slowly trailed off when she realized that she was divulging way more than what was required. She was clearly intoxicated and only prayed that her mother would be fast asleep by the time she came home.

“That is so sweet,” Josie sarcastically cooed, “So painfully, utterly, nauseatingly sweet.” She waited a beat. “So, what’ll happen once when we get to Queen’s?” She alternated between looking at Tillie and Ruby. “Are Jane, Anne, and I going to be forced to handle all of those eligible men ourselves?” She wrapped one arm around Anne’s shoulder before she continued. “You two will be missing out on all the fun. There will be parties and dances and you both will have your dance cards filled up with same person…well…two people in Tillie’s case. You won’t give yourselves the chance to meet anyone new.” She shrugged before she looped her arm through Anne’s. “Don’t you agree, Anne?”

Anne didn’t want to risk angering Josie, especially now that they had finally found enough common ground to have a real friendship, but still, she was drunk enough to express her own opinion. “When it’s the right person, it doesn’t really matter.” She sighed as she felt Josie untangle her arm from her. So much for solidarity. “What I mean is, if you’ve met the right one and…and circumstance or…or fate is…miraculously…” she looked over at Gilbert for a moment before she turned back to the girls, “…or somehow the stars have perfectly aligned so that you can be with someone you care about…without misunderstanding or without…without any sort of impairment to their aspirations…then…if you ask me, I think it would be more than worth it to dance every single dance with the same person for the rest of your life.”

Josie seemed to contemplate Anne’s response more than the others did. After a long moment, she turned to Anne. “I think you’re right.” She looked across the fire at the only person who would be able to confirm it. “What do you think, Gilbert? Is Anne right? Is it worth limiting your options for the right person?”

He wanted to jump up and scream that it was more than worth it if it was the right person, but also that there was a categorical difference between ‘the right person’ and a person who is right for you. He wanted to explain how easy it was to confuse the two. He wanted to tell them that some dreams didn’t matter quite so much when you had the right person by your side. He wanted them to know that there was more than one path to get to where you wanted to be, but that there was only one person out there who made it all worthwhile. 

But, he didn’t. Instead, he merely nodded. “If it’s the right person, nothing else matters. Plans can always be changed…but the right person…the right person only comes along once in your life…if you’re lucky.”

“So, you believe in soulmates,” Ruby asked.

He nodded. “I do, but I also think that there are dozens of people that one could settle down and be perfectly happy with.”

“This just got a little too deep,” Charlie chimed in.

“Yeah,” Josie drawled out. “All I meant was that there are going to be a number of eligible men at Queen’s and if you two are tied down, then there’s more for Jane, Anne, and me to sort through.”

“So, it sounds like a win-win, then,” Ruby pointed out. 

Josie frowned. That wasn’t exactly what she meant, but it made sense. “I suppose so. Anyway, Ruby, it’s your turn.”

Ruby smiled sweetly as she turned toward the object of her affection. “Moody, truth or dare?”

“To make Josie happy, I’ll pick dare.”

Ruby smiled. “I want to hear the song you wrote for me.”

Moody chuckled as he looked down at the instrument in his hand. “I’m sure no one else wants—”

“Oh, but we do,” Josie interrupted. “Don’t we, guys? I, for one, would love to hear the song you wrote for Ruby.”

“As long as you want to share it,” Anne added.

Moody sighed as he glanced at his banjo before he turned back to Ruby. “Ok, but on one condition: you guys have to dance while I play.”

“What,” one of the Paul’s incredulously retorted.

“It’s…it’s a waltz,” Moody explained. “I would feel more comfortable playing it if everyone wasn’t staring at me, so…you need to dance in order to hear it.”

Josie considered it for a long moment before she finally scrambled to her feet. “Alright, how do we decide who is gonna dance with whom?”

“Well, there are four boys and four girls. Why don’t we all think of a number between one and four, hold up that amount with our fingers behind our backs, and on the count of three, reveal it. Matching numbers will pair off. It might take a few rounds to get everyone sorted, but…it could work.” Anne stood up and immediately felt the world sway back and forth. She instantly pitied whoever she was going to dance with.

* * *

It was only a three-minute waltz. 

It was only a three-minute waltz. 

It didn’t have to mean anything unless she let it. She knew when she agreed to do it that there was a 25% chance she’d be paired up with Gilbert, and so, she shouldn’t have been surprised at all that he was who she ended up getting paired with. Tillie was matched up with Charlie, leaving the Pauls to dance with Ruby and Josie. _‘Well,’_ Anne mused, _‘At least everyone else is miserable, too.’_

The four couples stood at four separate points around the fire, all spaced well apart from one another to avoid any drunken collisions. Moody was seated across from them, grateful that the others would be too preoccupied with the steps to notice if he missed a note or two.

Anne swayed as she stood in front of Gilbert. The world was moving much too fast for her now. She needed to go lie down.

Gilbert wasn’t faring much better. For him, the world stood perfectly still, but the moment he placed his hand on Anne’s waist, everything he felt for the girl who rested underneath his fingertips came rushing back at him.

When Anne placed her hand on his shoulder, she swore to herself that this would be the last time she’d ever dance with Gilbert Blythe. None of this was her doing. Oh no. He was the one who was about to marry someone else and move to Europe. She paled at the thought.

“Are you ok,” he gently asked as the color drain from her cheeks.

She merely nodded in response.

When Moody began to play, Gilbert reached for Anne’s free hand as they drunkenly began to dance. Truth be told, they were faring better than some of the other couples. Charlie kept stepping on Tillie’s toes while Paul stopped half-way through the song in order to throw up. Josie, disgusted by the whole affair, wandered back over to Moody so she could watch the others. Ruby and Paul were dancing fairly well together, though she worried that she might become pregnant. She remembered what Gilbert told them, but what if he was wrong? She had enough siblings to trust that her mother knew exactly how they came into being. Wouldn’t she know better than Gilbert?

Gilbert and Anne remained silent throughout the entire first half of the song. Anne tried diverting her gaze, to look down, look over his shoulder, look anywhere that wasn’t in his eyes. She found a way to be successful until the world began to twirl even faster. Then, and only then, did she decide that it would be better to focus on him to avoid getting sick. 

He hadn’t been able to look away from her at all, so when their eyes met and their earlier conversation came rushing back to him, Gilbert decided to press his luck. Perhaps he was being masochistic, perhaps it was just a last-ditch effort to get her to understand the situation. “Our conversation earlier ended kind of abruptly.”

“I think I said everything that needed to be said,” she answered evenly as she narrowed her eyes. She wasn’t angry or bothered by his question. The world was simply spinning too quickly for her.

“So, you think I should…that Paris is…the right choice?”

She laughed. It was completely inappropriate, and had she been a little more sober, she wouldn’t have done it, because her heart was breaking at the mere thought of never seeing him again, but she couldn’t help it. Was he really asking her if pursuing his dream was a good idea? “It’s everything you want,” she finally explained once her laughter subsided. “I don’t…I don’t know why you’re even questioning it.”

Had he not made himself clear earlier? He thought for sure he had. As they spun around, his gaze never wavered from her. “It’s not…it’s not… _everything_ I want.”

“I…I don’t know what to say,” she told him for the second time that night. She was drunk and she couldn’t comprehend anything he was saying. “Gilbert, this is what you want. The Sorbonne…a-and Winifred is…well, she’s the kind of girl I wish I could be.” She stopped short and swallowed under the sudden intensity of his stare. Her knees quaked and she wasn’t entirely sure how she was still standing upright, let alone dancing with him. “You have everything…don’t doubt yourself.”

“What about us,” he finally asked, frustrated with her responses, angry that she wished she could be anyone other than who she was. It would be nothing short of a tragedy for Anne Shirley Cuthbert to become anyone other than herself. Didn’t she understand that?

“Us? W-What are you…I…” She stammered. Was there even an ‘us’? It wasn’t that long ago that she thought there could be. At the fair, with the fortune teller, before she discovered that there was a Winifred Rose in the world.

“I…I was wondering if you thought…that maybe if…” He had planned this out for years, but under the thick haze of moonshine, his words were coming out all wrong, “If you thought there might be a chance…a chance for us…and…and maybe not now…not while…college and…but maybe…someday?”

Anne pulled herself away from him as they stopped dancing. The world wouldn’t stop spinning and she couldn’t keep up with it any longer. She covered her mouth with her hand. “I think I’m gonna be sick,” she muttered before she sprinted back toward the shipwrecked boat.

* * *

It wasn’t long after their catastrophic waltz that the group decided to part ways for the night. Half of them had already fallen ill and the other half were not faring much better. As the group dispersed, Gilbert and Anne found themselves alone once more as he escorted her back to Green Gables.

He wasn’t sure if the response in her digestive system had been what she was actually feeling in the moment, but he figured it couldn’t be a good sign to confess how he felt only to have her run away and vomit. He told himself that he wasn’t going to ask her about it again. He tried twice to make his feelings known and both times—in one way or another—she had given him an answer.

“I’m sorry,” she practically croaked from next to him as she clutched her stomach with one hand.

“No need to apologize,” he calmly responded before he glanced at her. “How are you feeling?”

“Embarrassed mostly,” she chuckled. “But at least the world’s stopped spinning…for now.”

“Don’t be embarrassed. I drank with Bash in Trinidad and it did not end well.”

“Really?” Gilbert hadn’t shared too many stories of his adventures at sea, let alone disclose any escapades with Bash while they were in Trinidad. It was a rare glimpse into the lost time between them. She wasn’t sure why, but hearing that he had a similar experience comforted her.

“Oh absolutely,” he chuckled. “Be glad you weren’t there to witness it.”

“I wish I had been, you know.” When he looked over at her once more, she gave him a small smile. “To see another part of the world…to travel…I’d love to do that.”

“I don’t doubt that you will one day,” he smiled.

“Going back to what you said before,” she took a deep breath. “I can’t…I can’t tell you not to pursue your dreams. The Sorbonne…it’s what you’ve wanted ever since Mary died. You talk about it as if it’s…it’s your purpose in life. I can’t…I won’t…stand in the way of that.”

He suddenly halted his pace. When she spun around to see what was wrong, he slipped his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “I’m not asking you to. Anne, we all have dreams…but some are…some are worth more than others.”

“I don’t know.” When he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, she elaborated. “You asked me how I felt and I…I don’t know. Everything is so…so confusing. The last couple of months especially and I…I can’t ask you to wait around on a ‘maybe’. At the end of the day, I want you to be happy…even if that means…Paris.”

It wasn’t a ‘no’, but it wasn’t exactly a ‘yes’ either. “Do you think that maybe…one day…”

“I care about you.” It was the one thing she knew for certain at that moment. “When I saw Winifred at the fair, I…it hurt…it hurt a lot. I haven’t allowed myself a moment to think about what that might mean…if it’s just a…or if it’s more. And not knowing…I couldn’t possibly ask you…I don’t know what answer you want, Gilbert, but I can’t tell you to stay…not when the only chance I’ve had to think about the possibility has been while I’ve been…drunk.”

He nodded. “I understand.”

As they resumed their walk, Anne wondered what his final decision would be. They were silent the rest of the way, both lost in thought and unspoken dreams of the other. As Anne rounded the final corner that led to Green Gables, she spotted the soft glow of candlelight in Matthew’s window. 

He had waited up for her.

Despite her current heart ache and the throbbing sensation she felt in her head, she realized that no matter what Gilbert decided, she’d find a way to recover. She knew what he was risking by even approaching her, and for that, she knew she owed him a bout of honesty of her own. “You’re a good man, Gilbert Blythe, and I know you’ll become an incredible doctor…no matter where you study. I can’t ask you to stay…even if I knew my heart…and I know I’m not giving you the definitive answer you want, but…at the end of the day, it’s your life. I know what I’m…what I’m hoping for…but I don’t want you to regret this…or come to resent me for not…” She let her words hang in the air between them. 

They remained silent for a long moment, Gilbert at a loss for words, Anne enjoying what could potentially be one of the last times they’d be alone together. “You know,” she smiled softly as she remembered the fortune teller’s words that fateful day at the fair, “You _are_ a good dancer.” 


End file.
